PHYLLIS AT 88

 

 

 

“I don’t feel 88. It startles me…that’s a lot of numbers. I don’t feel those numbers inside.”

Phyllis is a petite woman with a quick smile. Although a native Bostonian, you won’t find her identifying an automobile as a “cahhhh.” She speaks with conviction about the things that matter to her: remaining curious, well-read and socially-conscious. She is pleased to receive compliments about her tastefully decorated condo but is quick to tell you what she loves most about her home. It provided the space for ten Freed family members, ranging in age from 15 – 88, to comfortably spend last Thanksgiving weekend together.

______________________________________________________________________________________

At 88, Phyllis views her life in three distinct chapters. She describes her childhood fondly. Despite the hardships caused by the Depression, Phyllis’ memories highlight the love and education she derived when three generations of her family lived together in Roxbury.

Life with her beloved husband Murray and their daughters was the focus of her second chapter. For the most part, she describes herself as a contented housewife who was busy raising her children, maintaining the household and volunteering in the community. As the wife of a top physician, she needed to host his colleagues and residents on a regular basis. She did so happily.

“We divided up the household responsibilities in a traditional way. That was my choice and I liked it.”

During these years, life was not without its bumps. Severe bumps. Over 30 years ago, one of their daughters died. It will remain a heartache forever. In time, Phyllis was able to pick herself up because that was the only option.

“What are you going to do? Wallow in your grief forever, or pull yourself together and move ahead. It was difficult just to leave the house. The rest of the world was moving on and we were reeling from this tragedy.”

When Murray died in 1995, it was the beginning of her third and current phase. She refers to it as her time of empowerment. The shift from wife to widow was not an easy one. The grieving was compounded by the reality that everything was now in Phyllis’ lap. Finances were the first hurdle. Before long, however, Phyllis was confidently at the helm, finding that nothing was too difficult once she got her footing.

Navigating the world as a single woman was challenging. It would have been easy to stay home and remove herself from daily life. But that was contrary to her insatiable thirst to learn and grow. She enrolled in community education courses.

She recently completed a rigorous two-year Jewish history course. While many have struggled to manage its demanding reading requirement, Phyllis took it in stride. Rather than feeling overwhelmed by the workload, she was grateful to participate in this unique learning opportunity and decided to “sit back and just take it all in.”

Boston has a vibrant cultural scene and Phyllis continues to be a frequent patron. She has formed many valued friendships and these are the women that accompany her to the symphony, theater, and museums. She has not let her age curb her appetite for adventure. Last year, she and her youngest daughter Janet traveled to Cuba with a synagogue group. Janet speaks with reverence as she describes the fun she had traveling with her “kick ass mother.”

Phyllis loves any time spent with her three daughters and their children. Hers is the quintessential modern family: a wonderful blend of ethnicities, religion and sexual orientation. She sometimes wonders with a chuckle what her bubbe would say if she could see the diversity around Phyllis’ Seder table. Then she reminds herself that although her grandmother was a matriarch of a traditional Jewish family, she was also a very wise woman. No doubt her bubbe would smile to see the loving bond that extends through the generations.